Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
