So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
