Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
