and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
