I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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