What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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