I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
As shirtless as possible
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
