nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
