i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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