Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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