Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
