so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
