In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
