SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I will pee on everything he values.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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