So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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