I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
