my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
