I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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