I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
