Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
