I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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