Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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