I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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