Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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