I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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