After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
