Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
