The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im part way to drunk.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
