this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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