Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
