guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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