why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize