what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
