Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
