Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
