while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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