before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
