oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
