You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
