am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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