My brain says no but my pants say off.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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