How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
