that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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