I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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