What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
