if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
