scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
