I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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