I hate all girls vehemently.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
