Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
