She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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