new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You took a bar mat shot.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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