I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
