Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
