I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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