the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
