Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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