Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
