Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
