He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
