i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
