Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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