I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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