Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
