awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
