Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize