I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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